Common Journey

Raising Cain

2011-12-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

I've been reading from a great book called Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys. I'm currently in the last chapter, "What Boys Need." (There is also a PBS movie.)

Here are the final recommendations in the book (Each of these points are explained throughout the chapter.):

1) Give boys permission to have an internal life, approval for the full range of human emotions, and help in developing an emotional vocabulary so that they may better understand themselves and communicate more effectively with others.
2) Recognize and accept the high activity level of boys and give them safe boy places to express it.
3) Talk to boys in their language - in a way that honors their pride and their masculinity. Be direct with them; use them as consultants and problem solvers.
4) Teach boys that emotional courage is courage, and that courage and empathy are the sources of real strength in life.
5) Use discipline to build character and conscience, not enemies.
6) Model manhood of emotional attachment.
7) Teach boys that there are many ways to be a man.

Interesting Observations from Orson Scott Card's Book, Pathfinder

2011-12-28T10:22:00.000-08:00

[ ] Saving the human race is a frantic business. Or a tedious one. It all depends on what stage of the process you're taking part in.
[ ] There is less civility, in a bigger city because proportionally more despise the rules of civilization.
[ ] Rules change as you travel away from home.
[ ] Show little, say less.
[ ] Don't let the other man control what you do.
[ ] Nothing makes people angrier than finding out somebody thinks they're wrong about how the universe works.
[ ] Never come up against a man's religion.
[ ] There's no such thing as enough information; however, enough information is humanly not possible.
[ ] No one can know a false thing, one can only believe it with certainty until it is contradicted.
[ ] Choose your words with utmost precision.
[ ] Information only matters if it helps us make correct guesses about the future.
[ ] People are never fair even when they try to be.
[ ] Why do people build and rely on things that will eventually be destroyed?
[ ] Why are we many times wrong about the future?
[ ] There's never enough info to predict the future
[ ] Do you need to know things you don't know yet?
[ ] The only stupid man is the one who doesn't know he's ignorant.
[ ] I recognize your purpose.
[ ] I chose my words with utmost precision.
[ ] This subject has been adequately covered.
[ ] Terrible image in your memory.
[ ] You can't possibly know whether what you imagine is worse than the reality.
[ ] Since you can't know which information you'll need in the future you need to know everything about the past.
[ ] If you show no aggression, your enemies will not expect you to be bold.
[ ] Whatever action you take must be the final action, for you'll never get a second chance to surprise the same man.
[ ] A person is what he says and does; that's how you learn whether his reputation was earned or manufactured.
[ ] There is no thought that is not worth thinking; all ideas might be examined logically to see if they meant anything useful.
[ ] Human species means the inter-reproducing gene pool now understood to be human, provided that the future variants do not threaten to destroy or weaken the survival chances of the existing gene pool, either deliberately or inadvertently. Ambition and desire are human traits.
[ ] It is not within the capacity of a human mind to understand all the implications of anything. Our lifespan is not long enough.
[ ] Government is all show, when it isn't murder in the dark.
[ ] Every day we all bet our lives a thousand times on a thousand guesses.
[ ] A large enough moon would create tides in all the oceans of the world, and life would develop on such a world because the moon-tide world the sea would sweep much farther across low-sloping shores. It's in soils and pools of water where land and sea and air meet that life begins.

A Working List

2011-11-27T10:43:00.000-08:00

Of Things I want my kids to know:

(list from my own experience, in no particular order)

HOW TO:

Think through a problem
Not to react on emotion (like I always does, oops)
Help people (without enabling)
Work together in collaboration
Respect all culture and religion
Develop a sense of self in the big scheme of the universe
Witness the Spirit of God in all things
Lead (and how to decide when to be a follower)
Follow (and how to decide when to be a leader)
Find the North Star
Make a fire
Stay warm
State what you need and get it
Be compassionate
How to set up a tent or make a shelter
Garden and grow vegetables
Cook
Clean
Wash
Perform first aid
To create or find a source of potable water
Exercise
Build a sturdy structure
Fish
Build a trap
Clean a fish
Observe patterns in nature and in humans
read others (cues and body language)
Avoid a physical confrontation
Fight your way out of a physical confrontation
Leave yourself an exit
Travel
Speak other languages
Be wary of marketing
Read well
Learn (and understand the value of learning)
Work efficiently
Honor and understand the roles of others

Here's a great blog on things you should know:

Marc and Angel Hack LifePractical Tips for Productive Living

Other Sources on Practical Things You Should Know:

Worst Case Scenario
The Experts' Guide to 100 Things Everyone Should Know How to Do
The New York Times Guide to Essential Knowledge: A Desk Reference for the Curious Mind

Injecting Innovation

2009-11-15T15:59:00.000-08:00

From "Everyday Creativity" by Carlin Flora Psychology Today:

1) Wake and free write until 3 pages are filled. Do not self-censor.

2) React the opposite to a situation.

3) Drive a different way to work or home.

4) Collaborate with your opposite. "Detailed Person" meets with "Big Picture Person" or vice versa.

5) Daydream about a distant place.

6) Go to a beautiful place and enjoy the qualities of that place.

7) Decorate. Some studies say in blue.

8) Pick up a hobby.

9) Think about a problem right before sleep. Dreams may provide answers.

blogs.psychologytoday.com

Check out:

"Imagine That!"
"Creativity Rulz"
"Beautiful Minds"
"Ulterior Motives"
"The Happiness Project"

Many things to teach your sons!

2009-08-03T10:46:00.001-07:00

From Bryan Gill at Big Dreams

What Every Boy Should Know...

1. How to change a tire
2. How to tie on a fishing lure
3. How to open a checking account
4. How to open a savings account
5. How to buy stocks online
6. How to save money (and how to best spend money)
7. How to change a spark plug
8. How to change you own oil
9. How to make your bed
10. How to clean your room
11. How to wash your own dishes
12. How to cook your own meal
13. How to pay your own bills
14. How to buy your own car
15. How to wash your own car
16. How to wire a car stereo system
17. How to hook up an entertainment system
18. How to use a compass
19. How to use a GPS
20. How to ask for directions
21. How to make a toast
22. How to be a good leader
23. How to be a good follower
24. How to hand write a “thank you” letter
25. How to work a crowd
26. How to start a campfire
27. How to pray
28. How to study spiritual writings
29. How to say the blessing in front of a crowd
30. How to play an instrument
31. How to throw a spiral football
32. How to treat a lady
33. How to act on a date
34. How to act at church
35. How to act at a funeral
36. How to dance at a wedding
37. How to cut fire wood
38. How to take good pictures
39. How to camp out in the woods
40. How to train a dog
41. How to mow a lawn
42. How to use a weed-eater
43. How to build something with a hammer
44. How to read instructions to assemble something
45. How to make the right choices (whewww!!)
46. How to get back up when you fall
47. How to say “no”
48. How to stand up for what is good and right
49. How to lead and protect your family
50. How to respect you parents
51. How to cherish your past and plan for your future

Educate a woman, you educate a nation!

2009-02-14T10:46:00.000-08:00

"Educate a woman, you educate a nation." Support a woman's economy, and you support a nation's economy. Let's create pockets of economy in the Middle East and support women like Ghada. Check her link. Her children may some day take over the business and also have livelihood. This is the way towards security in the region!

What is Microfinance?

2009-01-21T20:18:00.000-08:00

Microfinance refers to the provision of financial services to poor or low-income clients, including consumers and the self-employed. It refers to a movement that envisions “a world in which as many poor and near-poor households as possible have permanent access to an appropriate range of high quality financial services.

Check it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microfinance
Also: http://kiva.org/

Family Values

2009-01-01T10:49:00.001-08:00

It's hard living with family sometimes.

It's so easy to be single and alone. Right? You don't have to be conscious about your energies and attitudes. You can say what you want. You can take risks and not worry about loss. You can buy whatever you want. You can gamble away your money. You can sleep in your car. You can drink and smoke. No worries. You have freedom. Right?

Of course, I remember, when I was single and alone, all I could do was dream about the wife I currently have. Not your stereotypical wife. The wife who challenges you to think and be conscious about your life. The wife who wants me to understand the true meaning of love. Thank God, my dreams came true.

So, what now? Well, evolution, of course, I guess. It's no cup of tea. It's 3 cups of tea.

When times are bad...

2008-12-31T09:28:00.000-08:00

When times are bad,
When I get mad.

Why us?
Why me?

How is it going to change?
What is the fee?

Who's to blame?
I hate this game!

Where's the answer?
Where's the peace?
End it, stop it, fix it, please.

Look inside,
Look real deep.

The harvest is in your heart,
Your mind, your soul,
Reach and reap.

Mumbai

2008-11-28T22:01:00.000-08:00

Mumbai, Mumbai,
You are mother to our eye.
Sadness and lament has now arrived.

A visit of an anger and a hate.
We all hope that love can change our fate.
War and terror are upon us, we can no longer wait.

Mother Earth can you hear the call?
Your children are lost and soon will fall.
May the Spirit of Agape, our end forestall.

Mumbai, Mumbai,
Can you see our eye?
Tears and Fear blind us. Spirit, Spirit, are you nigh?

Letting Go Of My Empire Of Dirt

2008-11-12T09:20:00.000-08:00

Dust to dust,
Remind myself,
This moment is all I have,
Letting go of the desire to be black & white just.

I move along and love again,
Acquitting the offender,
I live life fully,
Never asking when.

I know there's a plan for me,
the trouble is letting go,
The past, my ego, my self.
Make me an instrument of Thee.

Kiva

2008-11-10T18:23:00.000-08:00

Interestingly, the name, kiva, has a Hebrew origin meaning to "protect or shelter." However, the founders of Kiva.org originally came up with the idea for Kiva from the Swahili word for "unity."

And that's what it's going to take... To protect and serve humanity, it will take a unity in Spirit. We will re-build it from the inside out, from the heart.

Kiva's mission is to connect people through lending for the purpose of alleviating poverty. Kiva is a person-to-person micro-lending organization. The basic concept is that you lend as much as $25 to a small business entrepreneur of your choice, who would otherwise be passed up for a loan. This amount is added to a total group loan. Every pre-screened entrepreneur is hard-working and hopes to create a sustainable livelihood from this loan. And you are re-paid as the business succeeds.

In 2006, a Bangladeshi economist, Muhammad Yunus, won the Nobel Peace Prize for coming up with this idea of "micro-credit."

From the NY Times:

"Dr. Yunus founded the bank in his native Bangladesh to lend small amounts of cash to local people, almost always women, who could use it to found or sustain a small business by, say, buying a cow to sell milk or a simple sewing machine to make clothing.

Traditional banks considered such people too risky to lend to, and the amounts they needed too small to bother with. Dr. Yunus’s simple but revolutionary idea was that the poor could be as creditworthy as the rich, if the rules of lending were tailored to their circumstances and were founded on principles of trust rather than financial capacity. He found that they could achieve lasting improvements to their living standards with a little bit of capital."

Focusing on loans for women has historically been more impacting. This may go along with the idea that, "When you educate and empower a woman, you educate a nation."

Empower others around the world. Don't buy into the trickle down theory. Give Kiva a look! Kiva.org

A Vision for the Country

2008-11-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

People will care for each other. Families will invite other families for dinner. The age of the sandlot will return. And kids and family will return to the front of the house, away from the game console. Parents and kids will play catch at the park until dark. Boys and Girls Clubs on every corner of every city will give kids options after school, and gangs will dissolve. Schools will not be driven by test results, but by inspiration. Kids will learn trades as part of a regular curriculum to build the respect that we should all have for the working public. The same working public that has made this country great.

And there will be forgiveness and a desire to move forward as liberals and conservatives, setting aside the pork barrel interests that prevent us from re-building a nation. The re-building will develop the locked-up technology and science that will make us a clean, energy independent nation. The time for conflict and war will be over. And a time for peace and sharing will pervade the globe.

Living Deep

2008-11-07T18:19:00.000-08:00

"Simplify, simplify!" Henry said to no one.

Walden Lake proved to be an eye opener for not just Henry David Thoreau. The Book, Walden, is considered THE American masterpiece journal to reference on how to live consciously. Of course, good old Henry was living by himself. And it turns out that living as a hermit is for amateurs, if you can handle the being alone part. Add the spice of relationship and living consciously becomes a professional sport.

Even Buddha and Jesus recognized that living alone in this world does not teach us how to live consciously. Both had their experience away from society. Jesus walked alone in the desert. Buddha sat alone in the jungle under the Bodhi tree. Both returned as teachers. Thanks to the Spirit.

Yes, it's the returning to society part, with the new found "consciousness," that ends up mattering. And that's the hard part...returning. Yes, there ARE a bunch of people on this planet, all vying for land and resources. And it's now a little more complicated. In 1845, when Thoreau wrote his book, the world population was about 1.2 billion. We're at 6.7 billion now.

We all need to find that Wilderness and SIMPLIFY. And stop the madness of consumerism and consumption. Thoreau, in the end of his 2 years in the woods, said, "I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there." We need to visit the Wild to remind ourselves that it is easy to fall into a "beaten track." It's easy to get lost in the routine of life. Ask yourself!

Yet, don't check out. After coming to a life realization, share it! Live it! Relate it! And connect!

Myths to Live By

2008-10-30T21:46:00.000-07:00

Myths to live by
are our storytelling,
with empathy on the sandlot.

Laugh and play
on the waves of life,
without the political rhetoric.

We need a mythology to strike a new course.
We need a choice
of Agape love.

Re-write the history
for humans can do without
a dogma full of anger & distrust.

Mythology and the Art of Story Telling

2008-09-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

Re-enter storytelling... The world is on the cusp of renewal. And it's high time for the ancient tradition of mythology to come full circle from cave paintings and bible stories to the stories of lost generations in finding the seat of their soul.

Yes, we are all lost. And now is the time to re-gather, re-focus and find our way. To admit that we are lost is the first step towards our evolution. The alternative is death. The dogma of politics and strict religious rules currently binds us to non-evolution.

A new mythology can provide us with tools to overcome our fears and build self-esteem in our families, as we begin to connect to one another, person to person, culture to culture. It really is time to come together and build bridges. Some would call this forgiveness and loving your neighbor.

The storytelling begins with each and everyone of us, a sort of grassroots campaign. We begin to listen to the stories and experiences that have separated us, and we begin to listen with empathy. We will not judge or blame others as wrong. And the stories will bleed into our own blood. A transfusion critical to our human survival. We will create and form a new family mythology, which you will share with your own children. The new mythology would include stories about you...

and unconditional love.
and forgiveness.
and laying down one's life for another.
and taking risks for the better.
and breaking the racial divide.

The list is endless and not too unlike the stories of Jesus, as he walked the Earth. The key is to tell and relate to your children. And relate it in such a way that we connect it to the lessons of Agape love.

Our children are even demanding story, yet we ignore their requests. "Dad, tell us a story." "Mom, tell me more about..." Yet after a while, the kids start saying, "I need a new video game." Wait a minute, a video game? Yes...and it's because they're seeking adventure, a journey, and a so called "initiation" to their manhood or womanhood. And the consumer goods are not doing a good job in replacing what we're all seeking. Truth and reason for life.

Our jobs don't satisfy what we seek either. Neither does science. So what else is there? Many turn to addiction. Some just go through the motions of a daily non-examined life and teach their children through their actions that addiction is an okay way to escape. At many points in everyone's life, decisions are made to continue on the path of self-examination or not. Sometimes we jump off and remain in stasis resulting in some kind of dysfunction like addiction. It is said that dysfunction is ultimately the sin of theft. We are stealing from not only others around us, who are suffering from our injustice, but also stealing from ourselves, suffering from not reaching our own potential.

Unfortunately, these dysfunctions get in our way to fully live life. Blindly, following a dogma of any sort is foolish. The dogma can be the limitations of a religion we follow or the limitations of following our own obsessive ways. The fool lacks good judgment and reason. Maybe we have all been fools? ...at probably quite a few road junctions. We just need to get back on track and re-evaluate our life in terms of forgiveness.

Our ability to evaluate life through family/friend connections and stories can take us to the next level of our evolution, of truly connecting with all people and ultimately with Spirit. And examining our feelings on death, amazingly, will bring us closer to life. But in order for this to work, we should ask ourselves, "What is the lesson?" "How is my fellow human being mirroring me?"

The beauty of the literary word and the tradition of story and myth can aid us. We should be willing to concede that many humans, past and present, have gems to share. Just look at the assortment of books and websites available today. The treasure is, not the dogma of rules and regulation, but rather, the discovery of love, the Agape love, and recognition of Spirit in all things.

So...record your stories and make every effort to pass it on. And be responsible for coming up with your own mythology for life. Everyone has a story, and that story should be told. Ask kids today if they know any stories from their grandparents, and the response is far and few between. Why? Let's change that and become unified and teach one another.

Wherewithal

2008-09-28T22:28:00.001-07:00

The wherewithal of knowing life
comes when the age is ripe.
Simple is better
my experience tells me.

The trap seems to be
what others state to me.
The illusion is the trap.
And the trap is nowhere to be seen.

I move on and revisit my thought
on life's rich pageant.
I was right all along as a hermit
might discover.

But how would you know for certain?
How can you tell without being?
The discovery of life
is the treasure.

Benchmarks or Journey?

2008-09-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

What is your story? Do you know what it is? Is it full of accomplishments and disappointments? The benchmarks of life? Birth, graduation, promotion, wedding, divorce, awards, hired, or fired? Is our life really dates on a resume?

Defining ourselves by these dates is so damaging. Self-esteem issues, relationship woes, and mid-life crises stink of it. We're so trained to list off the benchmarks to our friends, family, and strangers. It's like we're dogs trying to figure out where we stand in the pack pecking order.

We're all guilty. At the party. On Facebook. On the resume. And even when looking for a new book at the book store. The extreme value we placed on the benchmarks puts us in a place of fear. We're afraid that we haven't checked the right box and done the right things. And when we do decide to check the box, we've inadvertently associated ourselves and others with specific labels: liberal, conservative, Democrat, Republican, leader, fundamentalist, bum, delusional, perfectionist, idealist, realist, hard worker, extremist, terrorist, Catholic, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, Sihk, pessimist, pacifist, narcissistic, good follower, optimist, racist, liberal, homophobe, jerk, stupid, pro-life, or pro-choice. We have separated ourselves from others, which makes the "others" totally unacceptable. Have we no more forgiveness? Or only rationalized and justified conflict and war?

The labels get in the way, for they breed fear.

Truly, it is necessary for us as humans to evaluate our lives in order to remain functional. But evaluation based on these labels interfers with our gift and ability to think about connections to life on the planet. We've become distant to each other. We've become distant to the Spirit that connects us all.

Time for some healing. Time to evaluate our lives in a different way. Right? Some might say living a conscious and examined life may be defined as thoughtfully and "heartfully" being aware of the moment, cherishing our experiences and sharing those stories, knowing that we are one with everyone, and filling our hearts with forgiveness without exception.

It's time to re-connect at a higher band-width. Wouldn't you say?

Listening

2008-07-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

I've been told by many a mentor, "If you don't have an active solution, don't complain and whine about a problem." The first time I was told this, I was put in my place. I was down right embarrassed for even saying anything. I thought input is what people wanted. I still vividly remember the day. I was a "green" lieutenant working for an Army Battalion. I walked into my commander's office and basically reported that the maintenance platoon sucked. He literally became unglued and went off on me! "Get the hell out of here! Don't come to me with this bullshit. If you want to fix it, then run the operation yourself. Talk to your peers, not me!" He was literally chasing me out of his office with very colorful language, announcing to everyone in the building that I was a "moron." At this point, a whiner really was the last thing I wanted to be known for. Wouldn't you agree?

So... I try not to make comments about how "bad" something is. Although, hanging out in the wrong company makes it more difficult. Now, I am more apt to offer help. And I want to offer solutions if friends and family come to me. I want to pass on the "gems" that my parents, grandparents, and teachers have passed to me.

And it always comes back to love and intent. No holding back listening and helping through actions. Listening is where it all begins. And I mean a very active listening. A constant feedback loop with all relationships, maintains a connection of friendliness and trust. The feedback loop is healthy discussion with honest answers. Always beg your friends the questions, "What's going on?" and "How can I help you?"

"What's up?" takes on a whole new meaning.